Book Review: “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” by Lysa TerKeurst

Fun fact: My cat’s middle name is “Best Friend.” Oliver Best Friend is the happiest feline when he’s with his family. He strives to get snuggle time with his humans. He scratches on doors he’s not able to get past and has a loud meow for when he doesn’t get his way. Olly especially likes to go up on the table to be with his family at dinner, even though it’s not allowed. He knows the cues to step down, but will test the limits anyways. I really don’t like to say “no” to my cat, but I know it’s what’s necessary.

Boundaries are meant to be tested. At least, that is what counselor Jim Cress says. And without a consequence, boundaries are just a bad suggestion. In Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, author Lysa TerKeurst partnered with theologian Dr. Joel Muddamale and her counselor, Jim Cress, to explore the truth about boundaries. Are boundaries biblical? When do we need to say “goodbye” to someone? And how do we live this message as Christians?

I first heard TerKeurst’s message in July at a writer’s conference and it blew me away. In the fall, I had the honor of being on the launch team for this book and it was such a gift in God’s timing. This book is one I continue to revisit and a message I keep reminding myself. (The Online Bible Study with Proverbs 31 Ministries kicks off on January 23. Click here to sign up!) 

In her latest release, TerKeurst shares that “Boundaries are not just a good idea. They’re God’s idea,” taking us through Scripture to see how boundaries are a form of God’s protection, not a consequence for punishment. Therefore, boundaries are also a way for us to protect ourselves from unhealthy behaviors of others. And, if there is a pattern of destructive behaviors in a relationship, sometimes a “goodbye” is necessary. TerKeurst’s words are comforting. She validates when a boundary or “goodbye” is appropriate and gives us practical steps and perspectives to embrace in these difficult decisions. At the end of each chapter, Cress weighs in on the mental health standpoint, giving additional commentary to encourage the reader to take action in a way that is best for them.

Like I said, this book has been such a gift. It was when it arrived at my doorstep 3 months ago, and it is today as I pick up the published copy with the Bible study companion from my table. TerKeurst brings perspectives and words of wisdom that are necessary for one to live with healthy boundaries. I wouldn’t have been able to persevere in this season without the new learning and perspective shifts found in this book.

I’m working on being consistent and firm in my decisions with my cat. It’s one of those small ways I practice having healthy boundaries. On a larger scale, I’ve needed to establish and maintain boundaries, and even say some “goodbyes” to toxic relationships. Boundaries are applicable in so many aspects of our lives, and for me personally, they have only led to greater health. I’m no longer passive to people-pleasing. I’m pursuing what is best for me.

Maybe you need to set boundaries in your marriage or a specific relationship. Or with your job, your finances, and the keys to your home. Perhaps it’s how far you’re willing to drive to meet up with someone or how much time you can devote to a particular endeavor. Friend, don’t be discouraged by your limits. Don’t disrespect yourself by overextending who you are for other people or things. The best way to honor God, yourself, and others is to set healthy boundaries. Good Boundaries and Goodbyes gives you the perspectives, Truth, and practical next steps to be on your way.

As I read through this book again, I have new take-aways and perspectives to implement. It’s an ongoing practice and I’m grateful for the lessons I have learned through this book and study. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend ordering your copy today.

Resources

Order your copy of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes here!

Looking to join the Online Bible Study? Click here to sign up!

Have you read this book before? If so, let me know what your biggest take-aways are in the comments below!